When the twins were born, Dave and I were fully prepared with everything we needed. Double of everything, basically. What we hadn’t expected, and were not prepared for, was the barrage of comments we’d get from the public.
From the rude, to the intrusive, to the downright way too personal – I’ve compiled a list of the 13 things you can stop saying to parents of twins!
In a bid to make sure the list was complete, I took to my local parents of twins group on Facebook, to get their ‘favourites’ too! As you can imagine, we all came up with pretty much the same old corkers!
13 Things You Can Stop Saying To Parents Of Twins
In no particular order (because they’re all equally as annoying):
1. Are they twins? No. One is ours, and we just found the other one in the trolley bay and felt sorry for it.
I’ve got two newborns in a pram, what else are they gonna be??
2. Aah, a girl and a boy? No. If you need to ask – don’t ask! Sometimes you may have missed the fact that it’s glaringly OBVIOUS what they are. However, if you really can’t see it then it’s better to ask “boys or girls?”. At least that way you’re not insulting one of the babies. Better to hit two with the same bat, in my opinion anyway!
And even better than that, don’t bring it up at all! Just exclaim your delight at how cute our offspring are, and be gone!
3. Aah look, one’s got curly hair and one’s got straight hair! Oh yes, that’s really impressive – pointing out the obvious.
4. Ooh, double trouble! Urgh. This one is right up there. Why must they be double trouble if they’re twins?? Do you say this to any other parents with more than one child??
5. Oh buy one get one free, what aisle were they on? Good one!
6. Are they identical? This could be a perfectly reasonable question…if they did in fact look identical and were maybe brand new newborns…and were, at the VERY LEAST, the same sex!
My twins do not look identical, so it’s bad enough when people ask me if they are – but for some twin parents, whose twins are boy/girl… It’s not likely is it?
Do youself a favour before you ask this, and just think about what you are saying! You surely must know the meaning of the word ‘identical’, no??
7. Are they the same? Wh…wha…what the hell? What does that even MEAN??? Are they the same?! Sheesh. NO! They are two people! Different! Not the same!
8. Are they good for you? *rolls eyes* Again – what the hell?? How are we meant to answer that? Sometimes they are, sometimes they’re not. Just like any other children!
9. Do they get along? See above. Sometimes do, sometimes dont. REGULAR KIDS!
10. I couldn’t do it/rather you than me! To be clear – we didn’t go to a shop and say “two of those please!”. You don’t get a choice. You don’t one day turn to your partner and say “you know what darling? I think I fancy some twins. Shall we?”, “let’s!”.
And for the very audacity of you to make out like we are down on our luck by having twins – I curse you to have twins!!! Enjoy!
11. Were they IVF or natural? I’m not sure you can get more personal than this one. Neither – they arrived by stork. Do you want a blow by blow account of how my twins were conceived???
And FYI, even though I’ve never been through it, I know that IVF is a VERY personal, and emotional journey. Just don’t go there!
And another FYI, either way ends up NATURAL! To say otherwise is to imply that the parents and children are unnatural. Don’t be rude.
12. Did you have them naturally or by cesarean? What does it matter to you, perfect stranger? Really? You want to know exactly how my twins arrived into the world? Weird.
13. Oh a ready made family! Will you have any more now? Oh look at us, fitting into the ideal 2.4 children box! We may want to continue until we’re The Waltons, or The Von Trapps. Who knows!
Would you like a calendar of our future ‘do it dates’ so you can keep up? Can I interest you in my menstrual calendar perhaps?
Truly, this bares no effect on you, so why ask?
Bonus! 14. Did you know you were having twins? (I think this is my ‘favourite’). Every time I get asked this, my thinking is exactly like the first time I was asked it – I’m truly confused by the question. What do you mean exactly?
Do you mean did I have a sixth sense? Do you mean am I psychic? Do you mean…..nope, I’m all out. What do you mean? I knew I was having twins when they told me at our first scan, and as you should really know, that is the only time I would ever have known for the first time.
This really throws me every time I’m asked, because, HELLO…let common sense prevail before you speak please!
So there you go, now you know – you can avoid saying all of the things that make us ‘WTF face’ you when you walk away.
And to be sure, all of these things apply when you’re talking to parents of twins, triplets, quads….etc. You catch my drift, I’m sure.
Think before you speak. We actually are really fed up of these cliché comments ALL. THE. TIME. You’re not the first person to say it to us. In fact, you probably are the 8th person to say it that day. STOP! They’re just not funny.
Parent of multiples? What can you add to the list that I’ve forgotten? Let me know in the comments!