From the moment you find out you’re pregnant you’re so happy, you get so excited, you start making plans… But here’s what I didn’t plan for – things like my ravaged bladder! So here are my four not wonderful things from pregnancy to motherhood.
Yes, the ugly and down right cruel side of pregnancy and motherhood, according to this twin mum. Here goes…
The Ravaged Bladder
With pregnancy comes the need to wee more often. Those little bundles of joy, happily growing in size day by day on your bladder, create the most intense need to wee a lot more than normal.
But here’s the thing – THEY ARE RAVAGING YOUR BLADDER!
Problem – Following birth, you will no longer have complete control over your bladder. No.
From now on, whenever you feel a sneeze or a hard laugh coming, you will first need to stop whatever you are doing, wherever you are; and then tightly cross your legs first (you may or may not want to hold your crotch at the same time, depending on where you are). You are now ready to sneeze or laugh.
But there will be accidents…
Motherhood Tip – Keep spare pants in your handbag and car for the rest of time. Try to avoid clothing that shows wet patches easily. And/or embrace Tena Lady.
Hello Big Knickers!
As advised by the parenting websites, you will go out and buy the biggest knickers you’ve ever seen, to wear post birth. I can recommend Marks & Spencer. A bit expensive, but they’ll last longer. And this is why you need them to…
Problem – Following birth, you will wear your huge pants out of need to hold your giant pads on, and to go over your C-Section wound if you have one like I did. You WILL enjoy them. You will.
These pants will become your favourite pants. Your ‘sexy’ pants will retreat to the back of your underwear drawer and rarely (if ever) see the light of day again.
Your husband will hate them. He’ll tell you to throw them away and beg you to start wearing normal pants again. Don’t do it. You need these pants.
You’ll try to throw them out. You will. However your mind will reason that you may as well keep them as ‘period pants’. They aren’t going anywheeeere!
Motherhood Tip – Buy lots and buy good ones, for longevity! Bring your nice pants to the front of the underwear drawer so your husband thinks you’re back in them. Only wear ‘sexy’ pants when you are 100% sure you’re on a promise. And then revert back to your secret old faithfuls.
Or alternatively – forego them in the first place, and just deal with mild discomfort for the short term, for the benefit of the long term.
It’s too late for me, but if you’re newly pregnant you can still save yourself!!
A Pile of New Pals
As with any group of pals, theres tall ones; short ones; thin ones; fat ones; and some that are a pain in the ass…. Yes, welcome to your new group of pals – your piles.
I don’t know if this is just due to the fact that I was carrying big twins, or whether all pregnant women get them, but by about month seven I was at the doctors begging for help. They were huge, they were a most definite pain in my ass, and they were taking over!
As if being heavily pregnant isn’t uncomfortable enough, your new bum pals will just show up to tip you over the edge.
Motherhood Tip – stock up on AnuSol. You’re gonna need it, because they are likely not going anywhere soon. And, if it’s still a big issue waaaaaay post birth, then get yourself referred to have the little bastards surgically removed from your life forever.
Goodbye Sugar My Old Friend
For a sugar fiend like me, hearing you’ve got gestational diabetes is THE. WORST. NEWS. EVER.
Picture the scene: You’re pregnant. You love sugar. You love sugar even more whilst pregnant. You love nothing more than lying on the sofa eating chocolate whilst watching The Golden Girls. You find out you have gestational diabetes. You die a little inside.
That’s not a nice thought is it?
Problem – When you find out you have gestational diabetes, you have to attend extra hospital visits for check ups and blood test, on top of the extra ones you have to attend when you’re having twins anyway. Extra blood tests!! I have a needle phobia!
To make it worse, you also have to do daily blood tests on yourself at home with those little prick things in your fingers!
To make it EVEN MORE WORSE THAN THAT – you have to avoid sugar for the rest of your pregnancy!! And the cherry on top of the most disgusting cake I’ve ever known, is that your sugar cravings increase ten fold!!
Motherhood Tip – This is a really hard one, because for the health of your babies you really need to cut the sugar out. Plus there’s the risk that you could end up with permanent diabetes following birth.
So, for both your sakes – tell everyone you ever spend time with about your gestational diabetes, EVERYONE! You need all the support you can get.
These are the people who will need to slap that millionaire shortbread out of your hands, and prize your mouth open to remove the Peanut M&Ms you’ve managed to squirrel away in your cheeks.
Scour the internet for delicious sugar free desserts, join Facebook diabetes groups and ask for recipes and suggestions, go to the library and get out every sugar free desserts recipe book you can find, buy up everything in the sugar free section in the shops. And then once that’s all done – give up.
Yes, resign yourself to the fact that nothing is good enough. None of these options will end up filling that sugar free void in your life. NOTHING!!
Just accept you now have a miserable existence until the babies arrive.
Once the babies are born – gorge. Gorge for the next three and a half years, and then you can contemplate whether you’ve finally had enough.
So, enjoy pregnancy and motherhood!
Agree with these? Or have your own to add? Let me know in the comments!